英語小笑話（通用18篇）

　　笑話還可以指以一句短語或一個小故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑，或是產生幽默感。笑話具有篇幅短小、故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性等特點，以下是小編整理的英語小笑話，僅供參考，希望能夠幫助到大家。

　　英語小笑話 1

　　why is he howling.

　　他為什么喊

　　dentist: please stop howling. i havent even touched your tooth yet.

　　牙醫：請你不要再喊了!我還沒碰你的牙呢。

　　patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!

　　病人：我知道，可是你正踩著我的腳呀!

　　英語小笑話 2

　　As the mother of three small children born two years apart, Im often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories，prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene，they must go to bed and stay there.

　　One night，after a particularly trying day，all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies，milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people，standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked，"Do we relent or stick with the rules?"

　　Our three-year-old piped up，”Stick with the rules,Mom. "

　　Knowing she didnt really want to be sent back to bed,I asked，"And what are the rules，Mellisa?"

　　"Share with one another,"she replied.

　　英語小笑話 3

　　Nurse: Dont you like your new baby sister, Johnnie?

　　保育員：約翰尼，你難道不喜歡你的小妹妹嗎?

　　Johnnie: Shes all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had got a new sister, and now hell think Im trying to copy him.

　　約翰尼：那倒不是。她要是個男孩就好了。威利有了一個新生的`小妹妹，現在他該認為我又在學他的樣子了。

　　英語小笑話 4

　　Boy: Is this seat empty?

　　Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

　　男孩：這個座位是空的么？

　　女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的`座位也將是空的。

　　英語小笑話 5

　　Dad: Tom, please tell me, which month has 28 days?

　　Tom: Every month.

　　爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個月有28天呢？

　　湯姆：每個月都有��！

　　英語小笑話 6

　　A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"Im going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

　　Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and Ill have a duplicate put on my chest. "

　　We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

　　英語小笑話 7

　　Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. Were right next to a doctors office."

　　"I dont know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I m the doctor. "

　　英語小笑話 8

　　Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!

　　Do you want to make friend with me ?

　　譯文

　　大家好!我的名字是~ ~.現在,我12歲了.我來自~ ~.我就讀于第一中學.我喜歡踢足球和我姐姐在放學后.我擅長于畫畫.我喜歡學習英語. 我能講英語講得很好!

　　你想和我交朋友吧?

　　英語小笑話 9

　　Kate: Mom, do you know what Im going to give you for your birthday?

　　Mom: No, Honey, what?

　　Kate: A nice teapot.

　　Mom: But Ive got a nice teapot.

　　Kate: No, you havent. Ive just dropped it.

　　凱特：媽媽，你知道我要給你一件什么生日禮物嗎?

　　媽媽：不知道，寶貝，是什么呀?

　　凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。

　　媽媽：可是我已經有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。

　　凱特：不，你沒有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。

　　英語小笑話 10

　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

　　Teacher: Please tell us.

　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎?

　　學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

　　老師：請說說看。

　　學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

　　英語小笑話 11

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

　　Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

　　Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的.祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。

　　約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學校怎么樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?

　　哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。

　　英語小笑話 12

　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

　　Tom: Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow" .

　　老師：湯姆，你為什么每天上學遲到？

　　湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著：“學校——慢行”。

　　英語小笑話 13

　　A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"Im going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

　　Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and Ill have a duplicate put on my chest. "

　　We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

　　英語小笑話 14

　　Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

　　Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs. Brown: Its no use, my little dog cant read.

　　布朗夫人：哦，

　　親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！

　　史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告�。�

　　布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的`小狗不認識字�！�

　　英語小笑話 15

　　About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas，I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away，the phone rang，and I answered it，expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought youd like to know,"the operator said,"that just after you hung up，the woman said,I love you. "

　　即將因工作遠征出海，我就在西海岸軍營地用一個投幣電話給我的妻子撥了個電話。我剛要離開，電話鈴響了。我估計是讓我交超時費，所以只好去接。接話員說:“我想你可能想知道，你剛掛斷電話，那個女的就說‘我愛你’。”

　　英語小笑話 16

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly whats wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "Ive just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, Im an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　“醫生”她沖進屋后大聲說道。

　　“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病�！�

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的`美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。”

　　英語小笑話 17

　　who was the first man? 誰是世界上第一個男人

　　a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”

　　一個老師問她的`學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”

　　“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.

　　一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　老師帶著寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”

　　“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　這個男孩子說：“因為，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，并且是第一個深得民心的人�！�

　　英語小笑話 18

　　a doctor came into the hospital ward and said to mr. johnson, "i have some good news and some bad news for you."

　　一位醫生走進醫院的病房，告訴強森先生：“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息要告訴你�！�

　　then mr. johnson said, "please, give me the good news first."

　　強森先生說：“請先告訴我好消息吧!”

　　so the doctor said, "the doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."

　　醫生說：“本院的`醫師決定用你的名字，來為一種不治之癥命名。”

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